cred : CNN

Claire Wineland in a young lady in her 20s, she got a year to live on, the fact that she’s older than me, she was born with Cystic Fibrosis so she got her tube everyday. My friend on Facebook sharing the video from SoulPancake, and I watched her video and it makes me sad.

The moment that we realised that our life isn’t worth it, there’s a lot of people whose live is more suffering in our eyes, but they don’t see it that way. On the video she said “death is inevitable, but living a life that we are proud of that is something that we can control.” In the last recent years I always see myself as a failure, well people don’t believe me when I said that but its true. I have a constant battle loving myself, and forgiving myself.

On the documentary, her dad said that he will never exchange the heathy Claire to the Claire that he got right now. She’s even giving a speech on Life is Beautiful conference, the fact that’s she’s dying but still able to say that life is beautiful its just so amazing. She got a year to live life, but all she does was more than just a year, she gives hope to other people to see that their life is so important, and its a beautiful gift. Well its hard for me to say that life is beautiful to other people, because life is a puzzle, and obstacles, it hurts sometimes. There is one song that she sang called 9 Crimes, by Damien Rice. She got so much passion but she got a little time to live, but still grateful that’s what I see from her.

She’s a girl with ordinary love for music too like any other girl in her 20s, she loves twenty one pilots, Florence in the Machine, M.I.A., Elton John. The fact that she’s saying her pain is not worst than any other people’s pain, making me realised that actually my life isn’t that bad at all. I think I’m still on the stage of learning I need to see that my life isn’t worthless. The fact that I’m seeing my life is worthless sometimes making me even more worst because I got constant insomnia rather than doing things that are more important. It’s hard to explain to other people, even to the closer people in my life because they thought its not even real.

Life is may not the beautiful thing happened, but I could say its a gift, because at least we’re able to experience what it feels like to be a human, and the pain making us to be more humane in certain way. Dying to me is not the end, to everybody out there, that got similar pain with Claire, I just want to tell you that’s is not the end. Because at the end of the day, even not the terminal ill people can’t decide what the time they will die. Every one of us is not the God, and we don’t know the time, even if your doctor said so, don’t be affected live your life the the best, and the most, and make your own life proud. If you’re like me, have a time, talk to yourself, and start to believe with your life, talk to people that you think got your back.

“If we say no, we’re not gonna go looking out there, for our happiness we are live, and that is all we need. We are beating the system right ? And we’re living life that we’re proud of”- Claire Wineland

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